Dating a wounded man
Dating a wounded man
Me: And I’ll project that you’re my father neglecting and emotionally abandoning me, in the never-ending cycle of pain I’ve been recreating with every man I’ve ever dated. Him: That’s when I’ll probably disappear, and escape through workaholism, binge-drinking, or one of my other avoidant behaviors that I use as coping mechanisms. Him: Well I sure as hell don’t want to be in a relationship.
Then there was Franz, my love from Germany, who as soon as his internship in the U.I was surprised to find that everyone I talked to not only concurred that men and women handle breakups differently, but that quite often (in heterosexual relationships, at least) the man has a more difficult time coping.“I have always had a theory that is related to males traditionally being the pursuers,” Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, relationship coach and divorce mediator.“They like the pursuit and seem to place more value (at least initially) on a woman that is beyond their reach.It turns out there's some science to back up my hard-earned (and real life) conclusions.A recent study found that while break-ups take a more immediate emotional toll on women, men often "never fully recover — they simply move on."I consulted a few mental health and relationship experts to learn more. Him: You seem like you have really low self-esteem.
I can be very loving, and then completely withdraw. The way it interacts with my insecure attachment and abandonment issues causes pain that feels both excruciating and familiar. Don’t worry, I’m completely comfortable feeling neglected by you because your top priority is your job. He said he wanted something serious, and after a few intense dates, he said he wanted that with me. But after a few months, it became evident that Brad, however eager to settle down, would never be able to commit to me. Yes, Brad, pushing 40, was still hung up on a girl he’d been with in high school. Another guy I’d dated was seemingly over the girlfriend that had left him, but if ever she came up in conversation, he’d become so melancholy I’d have to leave him be for a good 15 minutes to stare longingly into space. He hadn’t seen it coming, and she’d been cruel — transforming from prom date to mean girl in an incomprehensible instant.They all said the same thing: Dudes just don’t bounce back after they get their heart broken the way women do.Recently I asked my fiancé (miraculously, I landed a guy who pines after me!While I could relate to the pain of being dumped (and even the demobilizing depression that had followed in a couple of cases), this male behavior confused me.