How to stop dating
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Cake is beautiful and delicious and wonderful on its own.
I like to think of romantic relationships as the icing on the cake.
In these cases, the individual has mistaken intensity for intimacy – meaning the chaos or lack of healthy attachment is their ‘normal.’ In a nutshell, their brain associates pain, hurt and betrayal with love.
If the person did not have a voice that was heard, understood and valued in their family of origin, if they were required to earn love, if boundaries were wishy washy, if abuse or addiction was part of the modeling, then chances are this person will do all of the heavy emotional lifting, often overcompensating with people who are also wounded and are unwilling or unable to attach and love in a healthy way.” For example, if you developed codependent patterns in childhood, you probably learned care-taking and controlling behaviors in order to survive, and may gravitate towards a partner with addictions or mental health problems or physical impairments who you can take care of and try to “fix.” Changing your relationship habits requires work.
And let’s face it; we all love to hear the sound of our phone beeping with a message from someone we think we’re building up chemistry with. ’ If someone likes you that much, then they would text and arrange another date to see you ASAP. If you’re always on a high followed by a sudden low of anxiety, stress and inner turmoil, then this person isn’t aligned with what you want.
It seems ridiculous, but it can be so easy to think we’re creating something special with someone who we text affectionate messages to each morning and evening, which is why benching can really throw us, even if we’ve never met the other person! Many people don’t commit the crime of benching intentionally, or because they want to hurt you. They like to keep their options open and feel that the best way to do this is to show just enough interest that it doesn’t rule anyone out.
It doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong; it just means that this person isn’t a good match for you.
Unfortunately, benching is a common challenge and it can happen a lot in modern dating, mostly because we rely so much on digital communication.Regardless of how sincere and heartfelt the messages seem, if they never progress to real life dates than you essentially have a digital pen pal who loves the idea of dating you, but won’t actually see it through. And they usually aren’t at all aware of the emotional impact that it has on the other person.The same is true if you are meeting up; if dates are sporadic and the bencher is inconsistent and disappears only to suddenly resurface just when you’ve almost driven yourself crazy wondering why they’re ignoring you, then that’s also benching. Being benched can lead to you asking yourself all kinds of questions – you might even end up questioning your own sanity! That doesn’t make it okay and yes, it’s selfish, but some people just aren’t emotionally aware enough to navigate their dating life in a way that’s compassionate to others. Maria isn’t alone in feeling a like failure when it comes to relationships. She was tired of dating and tired of having her heart broken.When you feel lonely or “broken” or unfulfilled, you look for a partner who will fill your emotional voids and make you feel whole and lovable.